Let Your Vendors / Planners Know of Sensitive Family Relationships
Most planners will ask this question, as will other vendors like photographers, but it is important to let your vendors know of any sensitive family relationships or situations that could cause awkwardness on the day. As vendors, we want to ensure you have a smooth day and so making a misstep and assuming certain situations is definitely something we want to avoid! Anything from parents, to grandparents, to sibling relationships can all be advised. Don’t feel like you have to provide all details - just enough so we can help you feel comfortable!
Signature Dances with Parents
In an ever changing world, traditions are shifting, and this includes parent dances. For a lot of people, relationships with parents vary and can have different levels of closeness. Sometimes there is even a parent missing for a whole range of reasons. It’s hard to do these dances with all of that in mind. Some suggestions we have:
It is totally fine to not do these dances. No one is saying you have to! This can be helpful if your partner does not have a parent present, or does not have a close relationship with whom the traditional parent dance is associated.
Acknowledging parents in other ways. This can include:
Toasts (inviting them to speak or acknowledging them in your own speech)
Memory tables
Having one parent walk you down the aisle vs. one do the signature dance
Videos during the reception
Have them do a reading during the ceremony
Changing up the dance
Do you have step parents you’d like to acknowledge? You could do half the song with a step parent and half the song with the other parent.
You can also swap partners throughout the dance - for example, you do half the dance with a father in law and half the dance with your own dad!
Combined parent dances
Another way to not bring attention to things, or avoid the spotlight on a relationship, is to do combined parent dances and dance all four people at the same time
Having Trouble Hearing Back from Vendors
In the beginning, give them grace. A lot of vendors spend a lot of time working outside their emails, especially during a busy wedding season! Monday is our Sunday! However, if you are consistently not hearing back from them, politely explain that you would like more communication and provide them the opportunity to explain their work style, hours and response times.
However, before getting to this place, it is important to set these expectations early and have these conversations! We all work hard, and things can be crazy busy, but be sure to protect what you’re expecting based details outlined in the contract.
Always Do A Hair and Makeup Trial
Having your hair and makeup done, if you choose to, can be a very important part of your day. Lots of us have different types of skins, or tones, which can make having professional makeup done a little more tricky. It is so important to have a trial before your wedding day so that everything is how it looks, and if anything reacts to products, you know well in advance. Or, if your beauty artist needs to purchase an alternate product, they have the time to do so. Similarly, it allows opportunity to work with your hair stylist to ensure the style you are after works well with your hair type while answering any questions you have about the look for the day.
Managing Family - and Parents
Sometimes your friends and family are more excited than anything for your big day and can get a bit carried away with details, getting swept up in the joy of the day. Having expectations set before the day, or during the planning process, between yourself and any key friends or family is so important. Have open communication, remind them that it is your day, and include them in other ways so that they feel heard and seen. You can also have someone be the main point of contact between yourself and anyone else, so that they have a discreet “handler” for any situation. It can feel uncomfortable and awkward, but you also want to ensure you enjoy your day to the fullest!
An Old Friend or Co-Worker Assumes They’re Invited
Before invites go out, and after you’ve announced the engagement, some friends or co-workers begin to ask questions about the wedding details. And it can get awkward if you already know that haven’t been added to the list. A lot of emotions come with this - guilt, anxiety, annoyance - each and every one is very understandable. If you’re comfortable in the moment, you can acknowledge that the list isn’t done, or that details are not yet confirmed. It is more than okay to gently mention that space is limited at the event and the guest list will reflect this.
A rule of thumb for all guests - never assume!
A Guest Gets Too Drunk
A lot of us have been here. Maybe not at a wedding, but in any social situation with a flow of alcohol. It can be uncomfortable, awkward, etc. No matter who this person is, it is not the couple’s sole responsibility and we highly recommend having a designated person on each partner’s side to be the “on-call” person to help address any situations. The venue should still be there from a security standpoint, but someone to discuss next steps with, should someone be too drunk. Talk to your vendors ahead of time to have a discreet plan ready so that you can stay focused on your big day!
A Guest Shows Up With An Unexpected Plus One, or Kids
This can, and does, still happen. As unfortunate as it is, it is something to be addressed. In the moment, use your best judgment. Will this person cause a rift with any family or friends? Will it cause any logistical issues? If not, there is a way to communicate this with your venue and your coordinator to swiftly add them to a table, and address having one additional meal. It isn’t ideal, we know, but this can be handled so that you can still enjoy your day! And perhaps, having a light conversation with this person after the wedding!
If you do not want this person there, at the end of the day, you reserve every right to deny their entry. Have a family member or friend who an stay calm address the situation based on your wants.
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